Write to Do Your Best
Hello Dear One,
How are you? One of my biggest learnings has been to lean in to this question and be open to every answer. Being aware of how we are enables us to tend to ourselves, which in turn helps us tend to others. That’s really important right? Especially now. So get close to yourself. There’s nothing you can’t be honest about. What needs tending to?
I’m writing this letter (early for once) during a night of disturbed sleep, which suggests there might be something I’m anxious about, underneath. However, I’ve often thought of insomnia as a gift: these quiet hours which belong to no one else, which are truly silent. When I don’t focus on the consequence of being tired tomorrow it’s possible to enjoy them.
This week I had a little revolution. Those moments when you think - of course, why didn’t I see this before? An A-Ha. I was getting stressed about an application for a writing prize, which (statistically) I have little chance of winning, and it reminded me of all the other times I’d been on a deadline and everything got foggy and blurred, so I’d leave mistakes in and give myself a permission slip to fail. The saddest thing about this self-sabotaging pattern is it takes away the joy. The thrill of making my work the best it can be. Honouring that I created something, had the courage to put it out in the world. That another human being was going to read it.
So, I invoke a new mantra: I have done my best, which is all I can expect of myself. This isn’t actually new at all, I remember my mum saying it before I went into exams. If we do our best, and acknowledge it, there’s nothing to fear.
Now, you might be thinking - how can I do my best? There’s a pandemic and I’m dealing with X Y and Z, I got angry, dropped the ball on something, mucked up a project; I didn’t show up how I wanted to. Welcome to humanity. You are not, ever, going to be perfect. You are a multifaceted being who feels things, cares about things and is affected by things. Pretending this is not true will get you nowhere. Instead, think about what counts as your best. Some days it might be getting out of bed and going for a walk. It doesn’t have to be earth-shattering.
If we’re expecting more than that, more than what our best can be, we doom ourselves to fail, to live out feelings of inadequacy again and again. It spreads into other areas of our lives, our work, how we look after the ones we love, the growth we’re not yet seeing. It contributes to anxiety and depression. We become a shadow version of the person we truly are, limiting and restricting ourselves.
Sounds a bit serious, doesn’t it? That’s because it can be. Expecting more of ourselves than we are able to realise is a fast track to low self-worth.
So, have tinker with prompts below. See what they bring you.
I hope it helps. Your best is ever-changing, but always good enough.
Thanks for being here, and being you.
All my love,
Jo
SOME NEWS
My five week course starts tonight! There’s one space left, so, if it calls, get booking.
I’m also going to run a special writing session for single women (like me!) on February 14th. All the details will be in next week’s letter, but if you want to register your interest email hellojoannebell@gmail.com with VALENTINE in the subject line. It will be a safe, inclusive space to nurture your dreams.