Hello Dear One,
I’ve been looking back on my letters. The notebooks I write in are scattergun, hardly ever dated, and, as I usually have about three on the go, I’m constantly finding half-filled ones under a mountain of books. But the letters I write are filed nicely; meaning I know what I was feeling when I was feeling it. This time last year I needed a note on managing, which came with this advice:
Face the things that might feel inconvenient and cut yourself some slack.
The notebook thing, incidentally, is one of the things I’ve chosen to accept about myself – despite the ‘why can’t you just…’ narrative that goes around my head: why can’t you just...learn to put things back where they came from/store your keys in the same place/put lids back on/be more organised/care more/care less… One of the gifts of getting older, and personal growth work, is knowing yourself. I’m not a perfect person, and that’s ok.
However, there are other things I resist accepting. Lately – my ‘everything is so much easier for them’ voice is loud. I’m aware of its uselessness. My journaling is often about what’s here, in this moment, as otherwise I hand energy, to the black hole of what could be. I miss the joy of my life. None of us want that, do we?
Surrendering to what is real now takes practice and courage. When we allow ourselves to relax in uncomfortable situations our brains activate their threat response (but this, but that – don’t forget about…). Affirming that we choose ourselves and, in the process, let go of resistance, matters.
I also accept I may not always find it easy. There will be days I flare into anger and sadness, when I feel defeated and low. The thing about a day my friend, is that it passes. In the words of 2020 me: let’s cut ourselves some slack.
Thanks for being here and being you.
All love,
Jo
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